hi, everyone. let me cut to the chase and insert some damn drivel.
the stock market's rising, that's good, but i'm more concerned with the cock market. how are the dudes around the city? i'm in the market for a previously owned dude with a large storage compartment (junk in the trunk) and a massive stick shift, know what i mean?
as el chupacabra and my relationship is winding down, i'm looking to branch out a bit. now i know i'm not the smartest person in the world, but i know when and how to use a comma. that should be enough to at least secure a decent dude.
now onto the real entry...my family is moving to st. petersburg, florida. yes, we plan to build a glass house above all those poverty-stricken people and laugh at them. i also hear it's a mighty important aids hotbed. 99% of the populus is already infected, and well, i like entertainment, so i gotta see it when their brains rot out of their ears and their faces turn to complete mush.
according to wikipedia, the definition of aids is a long one...so i didn't read it, and i probably never will. it's okay though because i don't need book smarts to survive, just the street smarts i inherently obtained from my millionaire father, J.W. Booksmith. he's the owner of Booksmith Bookeries, the largest independent online book store chain in the world. he's a fortune 500 dude and he's got the global book trade under his wing. he's singlehandedly taking the chinese out of the equation. in another six years, no one will even remember who or what the fuck china is/was. good thing too, because who wants to remember those freedom-haters.
you know, we all live in the good u.s. of a. why can't we all agree on the same subjects? homosexuality is wrong and should be punishable by death. people who are cruel to animals should be put on a pedestal to be admired and followed. those who tamper with dna evidence (cloners and the like) should be put on trial for blasphemy and sentenced to an eternal life of doom, not to mention the lethal injection. inbreeding should be rampant, and everyone should have at least six pitbulls to place in steel cage matches every third sunday of every month. what the fuck is wrong with you people?
i know my views are rather liberal, but hey, you gotta stick up for what's right.
you know, i was thinking the other day about IQ's and credit scores. now i have high scores on both, unlike some people who will go unnamed. some people have low scores on both. very rarely will you find someone who has a high and a low. what i'm trying to say is that if you are in debt, you are some kind of mentally retarded. now, i'm a man with material success and all the time in the world for golfing and spelunking and other things i enjoy. i pay all my bills on time, and therefore, i am rewarded with better credit cards with lower interest rates. some people *ahem* aren't so lucky. that's how i can afford a luxury car while some people drive 1992 hyundai elantras or whatever the fuck poor people drive.
now i know i love to tackle the hot social issues WHEN...THEY...OCCUR. that's why you all tune into my lovely articles. you know, i'm lucky to have such loyal followers. i would say the three most influential figures of our era have been me, hitler, and gandhi: me for revolutionizing the internet communities of tomorrow and for my invention of the vacuum cleaner that picks up metal, hitler for his stark realization that some people do in fact have to die so that others can live, and gandhi because that motherfucker was a fasting machine.
now i must be going. winfred the butler is removing my shoes and he's about to send a concubine down to suck my fucking dick. god, it feels so great to be an arab oil heiress to my father's billion dollar oil rig tycoon business. i get diamond pillows, platinum sheets, and gold in anything i want. it truly is a wonderful life.
sometimes i like to feign happiness.